DIVORCE is final

This is something I don't often write about but it is coming up on the 23 year mark when my divorce was final...It was the saddest season of my life next to my mama's death..  I am going to write a little about this experience without getting bogged down in the emotions of that time and then this will have been put down on paper for all to read..especially for those that have experienced it or know someone that has....so this part of my story is for you..you are not alone....and you will make it through to a better time..

I remember like it was yesterday when I was told by my ex that he  wanted a divorce..I just said NO and thought that was the end of it..can we say naive??   little did I know he meant it and had been planning it for a while..you see, our youngest was soon to be 18 and he thought his responsibility was over..  but what about me?  I had spent my grownup life raising the children and taking care of home...I had no job skills and no experience and no degrees to fall back on...I was terrified...I did not know what I would do...after he walked out on me one Sunday night after we got home from church, I called some friends..they were not surprised..they had seen it coming...QUEEN of denial speaking here.. :-)  in the very next day or so, a sweet friend, Julie, came over and brought her babies and a sack of hamburgers and we sat in my yard on the grass and talked...and I cried...I had no idea what I would do.. I called a lawyer friend of mine and he talked to me and took my case..I had no money...all of the money was in his name and he had taken it all out of the accounts..he filed for divorce 2 days after he left.  I was served the papers by the sheriffs deputy at my house....further humiliation...I did not want this divorce....we went for counseling...it was a joke..he just sat there with the divorce already in the works in the background..I was devastated, scared, and angry...my life was being torn apart against my will...I didn't want to be going through this at all.
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I had many friends that I would call and they would listen as I cried and talked..they were my absolute support system..I am forever grateful for their putting up with me....I was so afraid of what was happening to me...  I am not innocent in this but it felt like this was done to me..I tried everything I knew to do to talk him out of this divorce...nothing mattered to him except getting away from me...I thought I could change things.   I was wrong...but I don't like the victim role..it doesn't fit me well....so at some point, hope kicked in..well, I actually do remember when it happened....a day or two before Christmas, 1994...I was in my basement on my knees crying my eyes out, with snot streaming onto the floor mixed with my tears....LOUD crying...sobbing....saying what am I going to do????what am I going to do???  I called my counselor and she asked me if I wanted some medication..##*****##!!!!!!!!!   WAKEUP call...I said NO  and I meant it.....from that day forward I very slowly began to come out of this mess I was living in....I realized it was not the end of the world.  I was looking better..had lost 30 lbs in the first month..he left Nov 6, 1994..so this was almost 2 months later...I still sat in a chair and stared at the wall a lot with my dog, Daisy in my lap...the rejection was overpowering and never ending..it seemed like every week I got a letter from his attorney saying I had to do something else...I could not believe this was happening to me and at the same time I had to accept that it was and I had to deal with it..what a rollercoaster..if you are still reading, bless you and thank you.....

At some point, I decided that I was going to be the best divorced woman ever and that I would hold my head up and run through this fire and then help every woman I ever ran into that was going through a divorce to run though this too...I guess I should interject somewhere that I did not get a reason from my ex for why he was doing this..he would just say I wouldn't help him and he felt smothered....everyone else asked me if there was another woman...I always said NO, of course not...another one of those times S.T.U.P.I.D was stamped on my forehead...of course there was another woman for a loooong time.   she is now his wife..but, that is beside the point...

I fought against this thing for almost a year....the first lawyer visit I had, I said he can just have everything.. :-) my sweet ,wise lawyer waited on me for several months to come to my senses and then we talked again...he could NOT have everything.

I got a job in April 1995 and started on a new path for my life..

this verse was so meaningful to me.....He takes away the first in order to establish the second.....
I decided to let ALL of the first be taken away like a clean sweep and start again... I started to discover who I am ..really......I was single for the first time in my life.....I had to learn how to open a checking account and how to take my car to the mechanic, how to pay bills and do it on my own..My daughter was a rock to me during all of this...but I became too dependent on her and had to push her out of the nest so she would not be too screwed up by an overly dependent mama...my son would HUG me and he was strong for me during this...but I knew I had to remain the mama even if I didn't feel like it anymore...

I made it through this whole year of uncertainty and humiliation and growth, did I say GROWTH??  on Labor Day I went to my lawyers office and made the final adjustments to the papers...it was DONE..the next week, my lawyer called me and asked me to come to his office...I remember sitting at my work desk and lowering my head and hearing as plain as day these words.....Go and do what he tells you to do......I got up and went to his office and when I sat down ..he said sign here..I said is there anything I can do to stop this?  He looked at me and said.....EX has already signed the papers, you are divorced, sign here.......
so I DID......
it was finally FINAL....over..  a 22 year marriage gone...now what???

But God always has a plan if we follow Him....I came home and called my pastors wife and she read me this verse from the Bible...

  Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, LET HIM LEAVE......the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases.....
so, that settled it for me....I let go.....

and

the very next week...I met Bryan Gabriel...the very best thing to ever happen to me...next to Jesus...and my life started to BLOSSOM.......

We dated for  a while before we decided to get married on April 1, 1997. God really did take this awful mess and turn it all for my good..  Best decision of this life was to marry Bryan. I have never doubted that he is just right for me.

I love happy endings, don't you?

Love,
Mona

Make It Happen

A few thousand words ago, I decided to join the blogging world...and here I am, thousands of pictures later still at it.  and enjoying it......

TODAY marks my 500th post!!!!

I can hardly believe it myself..that's a lot of writing and picture taking....

You have met my grandsons, Mac and Will..

Visited my garden.....

Admired my daylilies....

and my dogs...

we shared the birth of this wonderful girl......

I have even shared a few sewing projects but that has been a long time ago and it feels like I am a little rusty..

Gazed at the super moon over our part of Georgia.....

 

I have celebrated, gardened, decorated, entertained, shared my heart, and discovered a lot about myself since I began this journey...

And I have received so much encouragement from some of you...I thank you from the bottom of my heart..your kind words have meant so much to me...and to think, it all started with one little word typed into a little form on blogger..... I have come a long way but I have so much more to learn..and so many more of you to meet...I would love it if you would follow me and make my 500th post an even bigger celebration....

Thank you for reading my words and looking at my pictures...there is so much more I want to write...

so until next time.....

Love, Mona

I am sharing this at Inspire Me Tuesday.

A Day to Celebrate...

Today is special for me..it is my birthday...I kinda enjoy adding to the years every year....it marks a milestone for me..everything can start all over again..a fresh outlook....
so I wanted to share with you my supper table..where we eat every night....I love to use different dishes and thought you might like to share them with me....the little rabbit I have had for many, many years..he was on my birthday cake when I was 13 years old..Debby and I had a dance to celebrate and Aunt Ruby and Aunt Pearl made us a beautiful cake with two rabbits on top.....mine still lives with me......
so enjoy as you sit at the table with us....

Easter table

a lady dines here

Celebrating Easter and birthdays in the same month.....a full few weeks.....and coming right after our anniversary..I LOVE April.

thank you for reading along.....

Springtime beauty..

I can never get enough flowers....or pictures of flowers...I hope you enjoy these taken yesterday around our homeplace....spring is truly a magical time on the earth...everything is beginning again....

ajuga

Japanese maple

peony buds

snowball bush

my constant companions

old azaleas

dogwood

Regal Jake

more dogwoods in woods

beautiful

it's a start

promise of figs

we are at peace here

 

thank you for walking around my yard once again....

Time goes fast

There are many faces to the best decision I ever made..sometimes it takes a lot of years to gain some wisdom for life choices..When I was in my 40's I came to realize just that....these were my choices and I had the responsibility to make good and wise ones...No one else to blame but myself....I guess you can call that freedom to choose....

Godly man

Looking back, I made a very good choice.to marry this man....and I have never regretted it...seeing the joy on his face just reaffirms that we are good for one another...

Poppy

Fourteen years ago we were in the midst of planning our elopement. it was Top Secret..only my children knew what we were up to..this week we celebrate the day that changed my life for the better...

Grandfather

Who knew that just a few short years and we would have 3 grandsons and 5 dogs...from empty to abundant...that is our story..and I will share more for the next few posts...

Father

What a difference..when we first married, my daughter used to call Bryan 'Happy' as a nickname because he was so unsmiling and serious about everything...

Husband

This pretty much sums up our personalities...as you can see, I am the serious one.

Thank you for reading along with me as we enter into this memorable time for me us....

A DAY TO CELEBRATE

First, you make a roux...a yummy base for gumbo that is made from one part oil and two parts flour....then you stir and watch for a long time...maybe 30 minutes..and this is the base for a wonderful meal to celebrate a milestone in my life..

Then add some flowers, yes,of course...ALWAYS, ALWAYS FLOWERS!!!! even if it is freezing and the wind is blowing fiercely outside..you still go out and pick flowers. :-)

Then come and sit with us as I tell you what today is all about...and have a bowl of gumbo with wonderful sourdough bread from Earthfare..it'll warm your heart...Cajun food always reminds me of celebrations....it is our HAPPY food....

One year ago today, I started a journey..one word at a time.  I started my blog...WHOO HOOO!  it is my anniversary...I am so excited that I am here...Thinking back across this past year, there have been so many things I have learned and pushed myself to do...I have thought of all those quotations about a journey starts with one step, etc....

But the one that speaks the loudest is don't despise small beginnings.....and indeed it was a small beginning.  I have received so many kind words of encouragement from you and I appreciate every one..they have fed my spirit...and yes, there have been the absolutely horrendous few that almost bowled me over..but they did not...

this has been one of the most rewarding years of my life....I have learned to write.  a secret dream I have had for as long as I can remember....I just never did much with it.until last March..then I dared to write that first word...the key was to begin.........things never happen if we never begin...so there I sat one year ago today.....right smack dab at the beginning......and lo and behold, here I am......hundreds of posts later.....I can hardly believe it....  I really did something to start fulfilling my dream....I have loved writing this and taking pictures to share....there are so many more stories to tell and so many more blogland things to learn......

But, for today  ...........

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really took the first step to begin fulfilling a dream of mine and here I am , already a year into it....


I took a risk..I started a journey without knowing where it would lead and where I would end up...I still do not know that....but it is ok with me..I am learning to enjoy the journey...it is the journey that is important....one step at a time....one day at a time...that is all we have...

So, I encourage you to make the most of the time you have..what is your dream and what can you do TODAY to start you on that journey?

I will leave you with this question because it is the one that got me going.        


IF NOT TODAY, THEN WHEN????????




put that foot out there and begin that journey..it doesn't matter if it is messy or you don't know all about how to do it perfectly....just START...life is lived one step at a time..I am living proof of that...I dared to start a blog without knowing how to do it....and I have done it for a whole year now and I know a lot more than I did when I started it..
Enjoy the journey....and the learning of something new....

here is my first post.....


"This is my first attempt at blogging. Since I love homemaking and I have been doing it for more than 35 years, I want to share my experiences with women(and men)that are aspiring to make their home all that it can possibly be. I am a wife, mother, grandmother, gardener, seamstress, cook,thrift store shopper.. I love all that is involved in making a home a good place to be ..and a place that the family wants to be. a safe haven...Maybe there will be some of you that are interested in joining me on this journey as I learn how to blog.. :-) we will see..I know it is something that I will enjoy even if it only for me and my family...."


and that is how I started this journey...leave me a comment...I love to read them...and as always, I appreciate your reading along....for many, many blogs to come...and for celebrating this milestone with me...

originally

Well, today..I am going back or forward to the original name of my blog.....hidden art of homemaking....for that is who I am...an artist and a homemaker....and I live in Winterpast...my homeplace....I am so excited about this new year...it is the best year so far...a clean slate..a new beginning...a starting again.....

As we were driving yesterday, the GPS kept saying recalculating...I finally listened..and thought about it..that is what we are doing this year...recalculating...keeping the same ultimate destination but I think we are going to get there by a different route than we started out on....one that is yet to be seen clearly..but that is what keeps life fun and passionate. not always having all the answers but keeping on anyway..that is where we are...we don't know everything and that is OK....we are on the right road...what a year this will be and I hope you come along as we live this year one day at a time..learning and most of all enjoying our place in life..be thankful for the opportunities for change..nobody likes a stagnant pool....

thank you so very much for reading...

The Beginning and the End...

Can it really be the end of November?  it has been quite an eventful month for us.... a stepdaughter turning 18 and then a week of celebrating for us...going to Lyle Lovett concert, eating out, and then eating out some more.....then all of the preparations of Thanksgiving...and the beginnings of a cold for me...YUK!  But alas....the end has come.....the dish is empty..we ate it all up.....enjoyed every minute of it..well, almost every minute..LOL

It is time to turn the page......

 Christmas is still a blur........... but by tomorrow, it will really be December .  There will be a clarity to the season we are in.....and we will all be getting ready for the arrival of the most wonderful birthday of all....Jesus......
As we stand on this edge between months, let's ponder what Christmas is all about..and why we celebrate and don't go over budget...LOL

thank you my readers.....

Beginnings

This is my first attempt at blogging. Since I love homemaking and I have been doing it for more than 35 years, I want to share my experiences with women(and men)that are aspiring to make their home all that it can possibly be. I am a wife, mother, grandmother, gardener, seamstress, cook,thrift store shopper.. I love all that is involved in making a home a good place to be ..and a place that the family wants to be. a safe haven...Maybe there will be some of you that are interested in joining me on this journey as I learn how to blog.. :-) we will see..I know it is something that I will enjoy even if it only for me and my family....