DIVORCE is final

This is something I don't often write about but it is coming up on the 23 year mark when my divorce was final...It was the saddest season of my life next to my mama's death..  I am going to write a little about this experience without getting bogged down in the emotions of that time and then this will have been put down on paper for all to read..especially for those that have experienced it or know someone that has....so this part of my story is for you..you are not alone....and you will make it through to a better time..

I remember like it was yesterday when I was told by my ex that he  wanted a divorce..I just said NO and thought that was the end of it..can we say naive??   little did I know he meant it and had been planning it for a while..you see, our youngest was soon to be 18 and he thought his responsibility was over..  but what about me?  I had spent my grownup life raising the children and taking care of home...I had no job skills and no experience and no degrees to fall back on...I was terrified...I did not know what I would do...after he walked out on me one Sunday night after we got home from church, I called some friends..they were not surprised..they had seen it coming...QUEEN of denial speaking here.. :-)  in the very next day or so, a sweet friend, Julie, came over and brought her babies and a sack of hamburgers and we sat in my yard on the grass and talked...and I cried...I had no idea what I would do.. I called a lawyer friend of mine and he talked to me and took my case..I had no money...all of the money was in his name and he had taken it all out of the accounts..he filed for divorce 2 days after he left.  I was served the papers by the sheriffs deputy at my house....further humiliation...I did not want this divorce....we went for counseling...it was a joke..he just sat there with the divorce already in the works in the background..I was devastated, scared, and angry...my life was being torn apart against my will...I didn't want to be going through this at all.
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I had many friends that I would call and they would listen as I cried and talked..they were my absolute support system..I am forever grateful for their putting up with me....I was so afraid of what was happening to me...  I am not innocent in this but it felt like this was done to me..I tried everything I knew to do to talk him out of this divorce...nothing mattered to him except getting away from me...I thought I could change things.   I was wrong...but I don't like the victim role..it doesn't fit me well....so at some point, hope kicked in..well, I actually do remember when it happened....a day or two before Christmas, 1994...I was in my basement on my knees crying my eyes out, with snot streaming onto the floor mixed with my tears....LOUD crying...sobbing....saying what am I going to do????what am I going to do???  I called my counselor and she asked me if I wanted some medication..##*****##!!!!!!!!!   WAKEUP call...I said NO  and I meant it.....from that day forward I very slowly began to come out of this mess I was living in....I realized it was not the end of the world.  I was looking better..had lost 30 lbs in the first month..he left Nov 6, 1994..so this was almost 2 months later...I still sat in a chair and stared at the wall a lot with my dog, Daisy in my lap...the rejection was overpowering and never ending..it seemed like every week I got a letter from his attorney saying I had to do something else...I could not believe this was happening to me and at the same time I had to accept that it was and I had to deal with it..what a rollercoaster..if you are still reading, bless you and thank you.....

At some point, I decided that I was going to be the best divorced woman ever and that I would hold my head up and run through this fire and then help every woman I ever ran into that was going through a divorce to run though this too...I guess I should interject somewhere that I did not get a reason from my ex for why he was doing this..he would just say I wouldn't help him and he felt smothered....everyone else asked me if there was another woman...I always said NO, of course not...another one of those times S.T.U.P.I.D was stamped on my forehead...of course there was another woman for a loooong time.   she is now his wife..but, that is beside the point...

I fought against this thing for almost a year....the first lawyer visit I had, I said he can just have everything.. :-) my sweet ,wise lawyer waited on me for several months to come to my senses and then we talked again...he could NOT have everything.

I got a job in April 1995 and started on a new path for my life..

this verse was so meaningful to me.....He takes away the first in order to establish the second.....
I decided to let ALL of the first be taken away like a clean sweep and start again... I started to discover who I am ..really......I was single for the first time in my life.....I had to learn how to open a checking account and how to take my car to the mechanic, how to pay bills and do it on my own..My daughter was a rock to me during all of this...but I became too dependent on her and had to push her out of the nest so she would not be too screwed up by an overly dependent mama...my son would HUG me and he was strong for me during this...but I knew I had to remain the mama even if I didn't feel like it anymore...

I made it through this whole year of uncertainty and humiliation and growth, did I say GROWTH??  on Labor Day I went to my lawyers office and made the final adjustments to the papers...it was DONE..the next week, my lawyer called me and asked me to come to his office...I remember sitting at my work desk and lowering my head and hearing as plain as day these words.....Go and do what he tells you to do......I got up and went to his office and when I sat down ..he said sign here..I said is there anything I can do to stop this?  He looked at me and said.....EX has already signed the papers, you are divorced, sign here.......
so I DID......
it was finally FINAL....over..  a 22 year marriage gone...now what???

But God always has a plan if we follow Him....I came home and called my pastors wife and she read me this verse from the Bible...

  Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, LET HIM LEAVE......the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases.....
so, that settled it for me....I let go.....

and

the very next week...I met Bryan Gabriel...the very best thing to ever happen to me...next to Jesus...and my life started to BLOSSOM.......

We dated for  a while before we decided to get married on April 1, 1997. God really did take this awful mess and turn it all for my good..  Best decision of this life was to marry Bryan. I have never doubted that he is just right for me.

I love happy endings, don't you?

Love,
Mona

SOUND the ALARM

 I have been in the garden pulling up spent plants and making room for the planting of greens and other fall seeds in the morning.  When this blog post came across my facebook memories, I smiled.  I am often surprised at how many things I do in cycles.  Life is funny like that, isn't it?  Observe your life and seasons and you will see some cycles happening year after year.  The goal is to keep the good ones and get rid of the bad ones.  I changed the pictures here because oh my....my photography has come a very long way since first writing this post in 2011...

I hope you enjoy the read....

While I am trying to find myself, I thought I would share some pictures from a late summer garden..it is when plants start to turn brown around the edges and I know that their days are numbered.  they have produced their little hearts out but it is time for a change of seasons....they will need to be uprooted and pulled out of their places to make room for new plants or seeds....isn't that the way life is too?  There are things in our life that are just in dire need of going onto the compost heap....and if we let them stay right where they are, they turn brown, die and eventually decay right in the very spot where they were so productive at one time.  I am learning that when it is time to move on, DO NOT  resist it...but to do it...it is the only way to remain fresh and relevant...Some people would argue that reliving our past is a good thing but it can be sneaky..it can pull you into a place that you have no business being...it would be like replanting a spent tomato plant and taping tomatoes on it and saying SEE..no harm here...but it would not be real...only superficial.  I see one of the biggest traps of reliving the past is that we see it the way we want to see it...kinda rewriting it according to our own prejudices....taking out the people we wish had not been there and thinking we were a lot more than we were..

I have seen several pages on facebook lately about reminiscing about the places you were from...they are very popular right now..and it is also reunion season so there is a lot of reflecting and talking about the past...I have been pondering this lately..I think that our present state in the nation has become so painful that a lot of people are escaping into the past...it was safer then..it was seemingly less risky..it was beautiful because we can make it like we want it to have been.  I think it is fine to remember our heritage but to dwell on the past and become nostalgic is dangerous...it gets us out of living in the present and looking toward the future..it can rob  us of hope for tomorrow..like a drug, it is subtle...drawing us backward into a so called better world....

I encourage you to stay present and accounted for in today's world...we need all the people to stay alert and focused...to be the nation we are supposed to be NOW...not the one that was there once upon a time...we are not living a fairy tale...this is real life and we only get one shot.....

LIVE IT FULLY  and STAND UP AND BE COUNTED  in the PRESENT!!!!!!!!
all it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.....if we are focused on where we have been, we cannot see where we are or where we are going.....glance at where you came from but......leave it in the past....and LIVE TODAY....that is all we are promised.....TODAY.......so make yours count....

thank you for getting to the end of this one...I appreciate every one of you and love to get comments..please leave yours here...they mean a lot....and we all need to be encouraged.....

The Little Red Coat

Here is a blog I wrote several years ago and I wanted to repost it today..I was reminded of it when I saw Marshall walking around in this very special little red coat as we got ready to go to the Christmas parade last week...Betsy told me that people are always asking her about it and commenting on it when they see it....what we do goes on and on and on....a good thing to remember....

This little red coat is more than 30 years old.....I made it  for my son when he was a little boy..it has a hat that matches and I will show it to you later...I don't really remember much about sewing it other than I did make it and I must have spent a lot of time on it because it is made very well and has lasted through 5 boys and still looks new.  :-)

So here is the lesson I am learning...things that we do last a lot longer than we ever imagine...it is important to do things well and to think about what we are doing as mamas...they can most definitely effect the next generation...
I really, really wish I had a picture of Jon in this little coat but I don't..maybe that is a hint at how much I didn't think of this coat at the time....
At some point I had loaned the coat to my sister and I guess her boy Phillip wore it..I don't remember and there is no picture to remind me.....when she gave it back to me a few years ago, it was like an old friend returning....I had no idea it still was around.I hung it in my closet and then magic started to happen..

.Betsy had a little boy...and by the time I remembered it, the coat fit him perfectly...who knew....one day there would be a Will to wear this coat that a new mama in her early twenties was making for her small son..one day her grandsons would wear this very coat..it would keep them warm and show up in many pictures around Christmas time..

Yesterday as I saw Betsy put the little coat on her middle son, it started to be an 'aha' moment..he didn't want to wear it so it only lasted a minute..LOL gotta love Mac...got  a mind of his own....then she quickly put it on the baby..and rolled the little sleeves up..the hat was perfect for a very cold Atlanta day...and we were off to ride the Pink Pig (another post, another day)...

Marshall is the youngest to wear the little red coat..he is probably the biggest at this age...so it all made me start thinking....so here goes.....
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There are things that we do as young women that have very far reaching effects on our families...some are GOOD and some are bad...I like to keep the GOOD column FULL and the bad column empty..but that is not always how life goes...I made this coat for my young son because I loved him and enjoyed sewing....I did a good job because I liked what I was doing.....I chose the fabric because it was probably close to Christmas and it is my favorite color...I do remember that is was from a Vogue pattern...so it was special from the beginning...I just didn't know
that my actions as a young mama would reach through the generations and touch each of my grandsons like this....it has made them look awesome in pictures and has kept them warm when it is freezing outside....

Our actions are important..doing what we love is important....we don't do things well if we don't like what we do..
This  is hard to put into words..I am struggling with making my thoughts clear enough for you to understand...

Maybe to simplify what I am trying to say.
....many years ago a young and inexperienced mama sat at  her sewing machine making a little red coat for her little boy without any thought past 'he will look cute in this when I am finished'....
Thirty three years later...the little red coat is still around..she helped to put it on her third grandson yesterday to protect him from the freezing weather and it protected him just fine......

The moral here, girls, is this...what we do has much further reaching benefits than we  ever realize at the moment we are doing them..it is who we are that makes a difference and then, out of the abundance of our heart, the generations are protected and kept warm...so live life intentionally...and love yourself so that the overflow is GOOD and we can smile when we see the next generation wearing the little red coat we made in our younger years.....

thank you for coming down this path with me...I hope you get something that you can take with you as you read..

Searching for my WHY

Indeed it is a NEW YEAR!  and that means pondering and thinking about my life....do you all do that too?

After listening to some very wise teachers this week, I realized that I have a very strong need to know WHY I do things..the purpose behind my actions.  I like to know the why behind you too but not in the same way that I need to know mine.......

So, I have decided it is a good time for me to take a little blogging break and find my why.  it seems to have gotten misplaced this past year.  I no longer even know why I write a blog..  If any of you run across it, please send it my way.  I am in need of it..I am just not a very good mingler and small talker...give me the deep things of life and we can really connect.  I realize not everybody enjoys these kinds of conversations so I have kinda let them fall by the wayside....   but now I am questioning myself and what it's all about.
I have talked with some of you and enjoyed every comment and exchanged email..I hope for many more.  Cyber friendships are out of my comfort zone but I am learning..and enjoying them...thank you to all of you that have taken the time to get to know me....

I found a saying while reading a book on interior decorating  that shook me from my slumber.......

When I started out, I believed part of my purpose was helping us all see the truth in this statement.  It was the woman in the home that made our homes successful or not.  It was and is the state of our inner being that is expressed in our surroundings....so, therefore, it is important to become and stay an emotionally healthy homemaker...  so that our homes reflect a healthy soul.....and radiate safety and warmth...

Who knows how much time I need to rejuvenate.......I just know I do.....
I will be popping in and visiting and will be back before the snows melt..  (well, before the daffodils bloom)...and before my 4th blogging anniversary...

Just hoping that somebody misses me......or that I miss blogging.....

Love, Mona

A Time To Speak

Today I ran across this blog post and really thought it was worth reposting today...I like my deep thought self and think I need to go and find her and bring her back to life..I hope you are inspired by this post from the past....

Last night I woke up with these verses running through my mind......


 ¹ There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
 ² A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
³ A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
⁴ A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
⁵ A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
⁶ A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
⁷ A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
⁸ A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

¹¹ He has made everything appropriate in its time.


When I looked at my facebook page this morning, here are two quotes that I saw....one from a friend and one from a stranger.....

"When you decisively cut off and end what must end, you CREATE THE SPACE for NEW things to show up." 

and  this one......

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

 

I have always thought I was someone that could easily let go of things..well, I am here to tell you..that is not the case...I am beginning to see that there are some good things in my life that I am reluctant to let go of...grin....they are not things that necessarily hurt me...just things that take up space that needs to be occupied by even better things...anybody hearing this?  wink, wink....

I can make a home with the best of them but is that REALLY what I need to be writing about????  it is so easy for me to set a table and to cook a pretty meal or to plant a flower or to pick some vegetables...but is this really what I AM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING???    I am amazed at the most wonderful, beautiful blogs and the creativity and the passion and the anything.you.ever.wanted.to.see.or.do.pictures  that are out there in blogland..we are truly a generation or two or three of amazing women and we are TELLING and showing the world who we are...or are we???

With the divorce rate at more than 50% and all of the children having to be shuffled between hostile parents..where are the voices for these women and children?  where are the blogs that say..I have lived through difficulty and not only survived, but have flourished??and this is how I did it..

and the voices that say--- I have a dysfunctional family and DIFFICULT family members and here is how I learned to be victorious and walk without becoming bitter??

I am one of those voices..I had much rather post pretty pictures, but that is not really what I am all about...I can do pretty.. after all, I went to charm school!!

But even better for me is to write about LIFE..the real kind..the down and dirty kind that really hurts and cries out for someone--anyone--to listen...well, I am listening....and I intend to share my journey so far..how I have overcome...and WHAT I have overcome too...it might step on some toes and it might hurt some feelings but most of all...

IT MIGHT SET SOME PEOPLE FREE!!

and give some hope in a very dark and lonely place....I have been through a LOT...a very much LOT and most of it I never had any idea it would be part of my life......really, on the inside, I am just a young woman wearing a string of pearls and a cashmere sweater and sitting quietly on a church pew somewhere being sweet.....HAHAHA..that was MY PLAN!!  but it is not what I got when I surrendered my life to my God......He got me up off of that pew and made me LIVE!!

I am a divorced and remarried woman...I have a strained relationship with my sister..a mother in law and sister in law that want me GONE!!...a stepdaughter that..well...  I.have lived with lots of money, and with little money....have been accused and rejected..well, you get the picture...my Mama died too young and left a void in my life and my Grandmother died less than a year later..leaving me feeling very alone...and my very own personal JUDGING committee that likes to write ridiculous and hateful and threatening comments on my blog.....

soooooooooooo....

I understand a little about the dark side of life...

buttttttttttttttttttttttttttt...

I am here to tell you that we do NOT have to live underneath all of this..not at all.....we can OVERCOME!!!!!   ALL OF IT!!!!!!  YES...ALL of it.......

we can live 

FREE from the fear of what man can do to me.....

there is real hope..choose life.....

Just like in this picture of my garden..it is apparent that seasons come to an end...as you can see........
I am so thankful for the ending of this season of my life and the BEGINNING of a fresh, NEW one......

This garden did what it was supposed to do and it did it well..  but it is time to move on..pull up the spent flowers and vegetables and  to plant some new ones....some that can withstand cooler temperatures...

It is a new season....let's embrace it......

Letting go is important..even when letting go means losing something that we are comfortable with...there is something new and better that will take it's place......but first..we have to let go...

so happy to have you here today..on a fresh path...

I would love to hear from you and what you think....

 

I am sharing over at Marty's  Inspire Me Tuesday  

and Efforts and Assets

come and visit.... 

Tea for pondering

You know, it's those birthdays with a zero on the end that make me ponder....to really THINK about my life.....
to wonder if.........

If I am doing enough with my life......

If what I am doing really matters....to anybody......

If I am living on purpose or simply existing........

I have one of those birthdays coming up and for weeks, I have been thinking and soul searching.....looking here and there...seeing if there are things I need to rearrange in my life..  it is not a midlife crisis...not nearly that dramatic.  as I get older I have become more mellow...but life touches me more deeply..much more deeply and profoundly than I realized...until now.....

I know I am not going to be on this earth an unlimited amount of years....I still have a lot of them left but I am more aware of making my life count and making a difference.....of leaving a legacy.......

So for this week's tablescape, it is just me.....and my sweet ladyhead vase and a cup of tea...
.and as always, flowers..

I am gathering my thoughts and my inspiration and my prayers to get ready for another year or decade..and making decisions that will make my life more meaningful...to God, to myself and to the ones I love...

I will be joining in with these fun parties...come visit....

Let's Dish

Tablescape Thursday

Simple and Sweet Fridays 

The First Time

For the very first time, I am writing my blog from my deck...OUTSIDE!  sitting in the warm sunshine..hearing the birds sing.  and smelling the newness of spring life happening all around me...  I am loving this laptop....

I am meant to be a homemaker..not just a housewife but a homemaker...making a home requires a lot of a woman (or a man)...  It is a full time job and takes creativity and perseverance...among many other things..

As I look around at my life today, it is hard to believe that just a few short years ago I was a broken and hurt and rejected woman going through a divorce....and it felt like it was the end of the world for me.

Some of you have read my story..I wrote about it here and several other posts.

I am so very thankful for where I am now..for the grace that God has shown me..for the restoration...for the ability to love again..and most of all for my husband that loves me like I have never been loved by anyone else...what joy there is in a good marriage....not perfection but good, very, very good...

So, as I sit on my deck in my wonderful yard outside of this home we have built together, I am thankful...
Yes, more than words can convey..I have not forgotten from where I came...and the difficulties of the journey so far.....
But life is good....even when made to start over against my will...It has turned out in my favor.....

These are views from where I sit today on our deck.....no longer empty and forlorn..where there was death and destruction, there is now love and beauty and life..

DON'T EVER GIVE UP!  AND DON'T EVER QUIT!  the only sure way to lose is to stop.....

No matter what comes at you, continue to live the life you are meant to live...

Uniqueness

When something is not clear, come closer...Be still and observe....Be quiet... and take the time to ponder..to meditate or pray and it will become clearer..

 Clarity..it is something we all need about many things in our lives..

We are all the same.. we are human beings

But we are oh, so different and unique..Each one of us has our own specific makeup..different giftings and talents..even callings on our life..  it is not best to try to be something that we are not...

these trees would look just plain out silly even trying to be an animal..  they serve their purpose without any effort..they give us shade, bark, and beauty to name a few...

Celebrate your differences, your uniqueness...realize the beauty you carry by being YOU!

We are all trees but we all have different bark...

.and together it is a gorgeous mosaic.....

Still Lifes

Sometimes life seems to just be standing still...it is in those times that I contemplate a LOT....

We are in between ........seemingly lost in between.....what we have known is going away and what we have not known is coming quickly...

I love to arrange still lifes and photograph them .I like to ponder beautiful arrangements and look at artistic composures..

BUT......

I like living in action.....not in still lifes....

so for the moment, I feel like I am about half here.....one foot in the world of a business office in our house and one foot in the world of a business gone public....moved out of our house...
and one foot in winter and one foot in spring..

I am just glad that I have some stability to stand on...knowing God and knowing who I am..and knowing I am loved by my husband.....but other than that, there is a lot of limbo around here.........

I keep repeating to myself...

CHANGE IS GOOD!!

An older woman told me one time that the only thing in life that you can be sure of is CHANGE!!!
Boy, was she right.....

With one eye toward the future..I am standing today and trusting and putting one foot in front of the other....
because the most important thing is not stopping.....keeping on keeping on....