DIVORCE is final

This is something I don't often write about but it is coming up on the 23 year mark when my divorce was final...It was the saddest season of my life next to my mama's death..  I am going to write a little about this experience without getting bogged down in the emotions of that time and then this will have been put down on paper for all to read..especially for those that have experienced it or know someone that has....so this part of my story is for you..you are not alone....and you will make it through to a better time..

I remember like it was yesterday when I was told by my ex that he  wanted a divorce..I just said NO and thought that was the end of it..can we say naive??   little did I know he meant it and had been planning it for a while..you see, our youngest was soon to be 18 and he thought his responsibility was over..  but what about me?  I had spent my grownup life raising the children and taking care of home...I had no job skills and no experience and no degrees to fall back on...I was terrified...I did not know what I would do...after he walked out on me one Sunday night after we got home from church, I called some friends..they were not surprised..they had seen it coming...QUEEN of denial speaking here.. :-)  in the very next day or so, a sweet friend, Julie, came over and brought her babies and a sack of hamburgers and we sat in my yard on the grass and talked...and I cried...I had no idea what I would do.. I called a lawyer friend of mine and he talked to me and took my case..I had no money...all of the money was in his name and he had taken it all out of the accounts..he filed for divorce 2 days after he left.  I was served the papers by the sheriffs deputy at my house....further humiliation...I did not want this divorce....we went for counseling...it was a joke..he just sat there with the divorce already in the works in the background..I was devastated, scared, and angry...my life was being torn apart against my will...I didn't want to be going through this at all.
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I had many friends that I would call and they would listen as I cried and talked..they were my absolute support system..I am forever grateful for their putting up with me....I was so afraid of what was happening to me...  I am not innocent in this but it felt like this was done to me..I tried everything I knew to do to talk him out of this divorce...nothing mattered to him except getting away from me...I thought I could change things.   I was wrong...but I don't like the victim role..it doesn't fit me well....so at some point, hope kicked in..well, I actually do remember when it happened....a day or two before Christmas, 1994...I was in my basement on my knees crying my eyes out, with snot streaming onto the floor mixed with my tears....LOUD crying...sobbing....saying what am I going to do????what am I going to do???  I called my counselor and she asked me if I wanted some medication..##*****##!!!!!!!!!   WAKEUP call...I said NO  and I meant it.....from that day forward I very slowly began to come out of this mess I was living in....I realized it was not the end of the world.  I was looking better..had lost 30 lbs in the first month..he left Nov 6, 1994..so this was almost 2 months later...I still sat in a chair and stared at the wall a lot with my dog, Daisy in my lap...the rejection was overpowering and never ending..it seemed like every week I got a letter from his attorney saying I had to do something else...I could not believe this was happening to me and at the same time I had to accept that it was and I had to deal with it..what a rollercoaster..if you are still reading, bless you and thank you.....

At some point, I decided that I was going to be the best divorced woman ever and that I would hold my head up and run through this fire and then help every woman I ever ran into that was going through a divorce to run though this too...I guess I should interject somewhere that I did not get a reason from my ex for why he was doing this..he would just say I wouldn't help him and he felt smothered....everyone else asked me if there was another woman...I always said NO, of course not...another one of those times S.T.U.P.I.D was stamped on my forehead...of course there was another woman for a loooong time.   she is now his wife..but, that is beside the point...

I fought against this thing for almost a year....the first lawyer visit I had, I said he can just have everything.. :-) my sweet ,wise lawyer waited on me for several months to come to my senses and then we talked again...he could NOT have everything.

I got a job in April 1995 and started on a new path for my life..

this verse was so meaningful to me.....He takes away the first in order to establish the second.....
I decided to let ALL of the first be taken away like a clean sweep and start again... I started to discover who I am ..really......I was single for the first time in my life.....I had to learn how to open a checking account and how to take my car to the mechanic, how to pay bills and do it on my own..My daughter was a rock to me during all of this...but I became too dependent on her and had to push her out of the nest so she would not be too screwed up by an overly dependent mama...my son would HUG me and he was strong for me during this...but I knew I had to remain the mama even if I didn't feel like it anymore...

I made it through this whole year of uncertainty and humiliation and growth, did I say GROWTH??  on Labor Day I went to my lawyers office and made the final adjustments to the papers...it was DONE..the next week, my lawyer called me and asked me to come to his office...I remember sitting at my work desk and lowering my head and hearing as plain as day these words.....Go and do what he tells you to do......I got up and went to his office and when I sat down ..he said sign here..I said is there anything I can do to stop this?  He looked at me and said.....EX has already signed the papers, you are divorced, sign here.......
so I DID......
it was finally FINAL....over..  a 22 year marriage gone...now what???

But God always has a plan if we follow Him....I came home and called my pastors wife and she read me this verse from the Bible...

  Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, LET HIM LEAVE......the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases.....
so, that settled it for me....I let go.....

and

the very next week...I met Bryan Gabriel...the very best thing to ever happen to me...next to Jesus...and my life started to BLOSSOM.......

We dated for  a while before we decided to get married on April 1, 1997. God really did take this awful mess and turn it all for my good..  Best decision of this life was to marry Bryan. I have never doubted that he is just right for me.

I love happy endings, don't you?

Love,
Mona

Life is like a jar of NUTELLA

the moment I saw this picture of my youngest grandson, Marshall...I KNEW!!!  this picture is priceless......

I couldn't wait to write a blog about it and to also get it on Pinterest....one of my friends suggested an advertisement for Nutella....all of the above are correct answers.....

But here is what I saw....

verses like------- child like faith.........out of the mouths of babes......a little child will lead them........so here goes,

This little child is most definitely showing us something about how to live life......stick that whole hand of yours right smack dab into the middle of that jar and OPEN WIDE!!!!!!  get that whole fist full of yummy chocolate goodness right into your mouth...and get some all over your face and hands and jar and table and anything else within a half mile of your life..

I think Marshall has the right idea...just DIG IN!!!!!!!

don't be timid and don't hold back.....GET YOU SOME!!!!!!!!  that is...LIFE!  live it to the fullest possible...

We only get to do this one time..it is not a dress rehearsal..it is the real thing..there is no saving up to use in the next life....we get a certain amount (as in this jar of Nutella)...and we need to use it ALL!!!  right down to the bottom of the jar....we don't need to get to the end of this life and have half a jar left because we were so scared to live that we saved half of it......it is ours to live..no one can do it for us......

this jar of Nutella was a Christmas gift to Marshall's parents from me....but as you can see, that did not deter him...He saw something good and went for it!!  the whole jar.....kinda like us and God..when we see something that is His, we can go for it....If we have trusted Him, then He is our Daddy...and no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly......

Well, Marshall shows us what that looks like......

So, take your hand.....open that jar of Nutella aka your life......and stick your entire hand in there and bring a fist full of yummy goodness to your mouth....and do NOT be careful about what it spills over onto....just be concerned with tasting and seeing that it is good....and letting others smile or laugh out loud because of the joy surrounding you....

Like this little child, I plan on making 2012 a year where I jump in there with both feet..no holding back....when I see something good in My Father's House, I plan to go for it!!!!!!!  do you want to join me?  what a wonderful world that would be if we all tried to spend our lives emptying our jars of Nutella.....

thank you to Betsy Sinclair for this awesome picture...and to Marshall for the freedom he lives in because his parents get it!!


thank you for stopping by today.....this year is gonna be a good one..I can just feel it....can you?

He restores my soul

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.  

 

  He makes me lie down in green pastures ; He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul ;

 

He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; 

 

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies ; 

 

You have anointed my head with oil ;

 

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, 

 

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever . 

 

 

this is one of my favorite Psalms..when I saw this green field, I was immediately reminded of it...these verses have been a hiding place for me for many years.. 

I love that He MAKES me lie down in green pastures and He restores my soul..I think that these two actions go together...because I yielded to lying down, my soul is being restored.

Life has been hurtful..people have been unkind..sometimes it has been very hard to get over the betrayal of close relatives.

but

then I remember He prepares a table before me..

my cup overflows..

it is all about perspective..His perspective..

and the healing begins all over again.

He truly, truly does restore my soul.

and for that I am forever grateful to Him

does your soul need restoring?

let Him make you lie down

thank you for stopping by today....please come again soon..

Good Friday

Today is a day that represents a day that seemed very bleak for us when Jesus died on that cross...it seemed like all was lost and all had ended....it seemed like the enemy had won...
BUT.......
that was not the TRUTH..it had not ended..it had only just begun...there was LIFE on the other side of that cross..there was a resurrection for Jesus and life for all of eternity. so the enemy's victory turned around quickly on him...it was in reality..OUR VICTORY!!! God had taken death and turned it into something good....He took the sting out of death...He made it contain life ..eternal life...and it became a gift for us..to apply Jesus work on the cross to our own life and receive what He did as our very own sacrifice..and exchange His death for our life..it is a pretty good exchange....He died and we live..through Him..when He lives in us, we get resurrected life forever...because He did not just die and leave it at that...He AROSE!!!

My life has been a testament to this story....He took my life filled with death and turned it around for me...I gave it to Him..all of it..the good, bad, and the ugly..He took it in exchange for His life living through me...it was my very best choice...to give Jesus my life and let Him do whatever He wanted to do with me....He took bad things and turned them around for my good....what the enemy has meant for harm, He has meant for good...just like Winterpast, our home, as we have worked to restore and bring back to life the lifeless places..He has worked on me..where there were barren places, He has brought flowers that bloom....where there was heartache, He has filled me with healing..where there was rejection, He has accepted me just as I am....His love never fails...He is good...

Today just could not pass by without a tribute to the One who paid it all for me...Jesus...

               How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God ! How vast is the sum of them!
                                               Psalm 139:17-18 (New American Standard)

Happy Good Friday y'all....and Happy Easter.....remember..
from the tomb.....He is NOT HERE!!!!!  He is ALIVE.....

thank you for reading along with me...take time to reflect on the wonderful EXCHANGE! 

HOPE

Looking at this bud gives me hope.......and trust.....in Someone bigger and wiser than me......

and

Love for Someone to give to me such a perfect gift as this white rose...pure and simply beautiful...

and to know that it will BLOOM and become a wide open gorgeous flower in just a few days....

all I had to do was stop and smell it....or pass it by....my choice...either way, it will be right there blooming just for my enjoyment of something beautiful.   If I take the time to notice, then the beauty will make me smile...

thank you for stopping by and for taking time to see this rose.....remember to stop and smell the roses...we each need them in our lives....

TRUST

¹trust        : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something 

  : trustworthiness

a (1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another 


I am realizing that I have some real trust issues...I think I am at a point that I can choose to continue like I am or look at this and see what needs to change.  I had rather change....I have many reasons that this has happened in my life....a divorce, sibling rivalry, friends betrayal, misunderstandings, jealousies  and a myriad of other reasons too.. 
There are only about 3-4 people in this world that I trust to have my best interest in mind in our relationship.  I totally trust my husband and children ....


There have just been too many instances where someone portrayed themselves as one way and when I got closer or became more trusting, they turned out to be totally different...I am quite accepting of people as they are and am not in the business of controlling others or thinking I know what is best for them.  I am talking about relationships where there is intent to demean or deceive another....to pretend to be trustworthy and then behind my back prove they are not....


I want to tear down the walls of self protection that I hide behind...maybe learning about boundaries and enforcing them will give me more freedom....I know who I am most of the time....and I am a really trustworthy woman so this is one of the reasons I am baffled by this....I don't understand the ability of living without feeling remorse for hurting another person....without trying to make things right again...oh well......


A very wise friend once told me and Bryan when he was counseling us...
Watch these people and learn WHAT NOT TO DO!!!!!!!
sometimes that seems so negative.....but it is what we are doing at this time in life.  ..
there is enough grief and bad things going on in our world without us adding to it......
Be quick to ask forgiveness when you hurt someone....Be quick to offer a helping hand when you can....don't betray your friends.....and don't hide behind sayings like everyone you meet is hurting so be nice to them.....
instead, BE NICE TO PEOPLE......love folks....
I know what it is like to be betrayed and to be ridiculed and I am learning what not to do.....this life is too short to live it in the negative......


LOVE NEVER FAILS.....real love, that is...not the fake ooshy gooshy stuff.....the real thing...the God is love kind...
if you made it through this post, you need a medal....LOL   me being real this morning.....thank you..