Second marriages are beautiful

 Seasons change, life moves forward.  A grandson turned 11 yesterday, I have filled my garden beds with greens this week, and the inevitable..football season starts today.  Even though I have lived in a huge football town for decades, I am not a football fan.  My husband is.  I  am an introvert, he is an extrovert.  Give me a book, a garden, a cozy home.  Give him football season tickets, races on TV, people to talk to.  We make it work and it is a good thing. We learned a whole lot about what not to do because of our failed marriages..  This one is a second marriage for both of us..

While he got ready to tailgate and spend the day at the game, I took my camera outside this morning.  I love him so very much and we have learned to let each other be who they are meant to be.  no control here, just respect and honor.  I sat down to just post a few pictures and all of this came out.  lol  such is life..

Here's to everything working out for our good..finding the silver lining.  and everything else good.

Happy Labor Day weekend.

And just be yourself.  find out who that is and love yourself to life..

Love, Mona

Reaching a Milestone

Yesterday our view completely changed in our backyard........

A very old oak tree that had dominated the back landscape was taken down because of damage, hollowness, and falling limbs....

Today we celebarte 18 years of marriage....all good years... This man means the world to me...he has allowed and encouraged me to be me...he has made me a better woman and I have grown..so has he. We have been good for each other and that is what marriage is all about..Growing and changing together, not apart... I decided to revisit my words from the 15 year mark....they are still so true...

Fifteen years ago I was busily preparing to run away with my beloved and secretly get married.........

It was a week that changed my life........

I was marrying a man that truly loved me....cherished me.....desired me......and I felt the same way towards him....

We were pretty scared...both of us had been in bad marriages that had ended in divorce and we didn't want to make the same mistakes again....we had talked about a lot of things during our dating and we had come a long way but we were still hurting and broken people.. we decided to become a team and walk out the rest of life TOGETHER...best decision I have ever made besides choosing to say YES to God..but that is another story...this one is about the man God brought into my life and forever changed me and my life...

Little did we know all the battles we would have to fight together...and win.....and all of the life circumstances we would have to overcome...but we had together...and LOVE....and we had God on our side...

As I go about my week, I can't help but remember all of the preparations we were making to get married...no big fanfare this time.....no big fancy parties...just us...and God....we were following Him and it was good....

I am so excited to reach the 15 year mark..for some reason it sounds like a long marriage now...no more newlywed status...I have lots of friends that are reaching the 40 year mark in their marriages...never did I dream that at this age I would be where I am....we have talked about this a lot...that I have been married for a total of 37 years  but the number that is recognized is 15....where do people that have been divorced put all of those years that were spent in a broken marriage?  I think it is a valid question.....a different perspective on our generation......
because if 15 years is the actual number of years I have been married, it means I was not married for quite a long time......so , it is a subject that I think needs to be addressed..especially in a world where more than 50% are divorced......the actual number of years married........mine is 37 years.....22 years to learn what NOT TO DO  and then 15 years to put those lessons into practice.........

I was very young when I first got married and had a lot of learning ahead of me...hopefully I have learned a lesson or two or three......a whole lot of what not to do...I am tired of learning things the hard way..it is much easier for me to yield now to people that know more than I do....I realize I do not know everything!!

But this one thing I DO know, I have been happily married for 15 years to the man of my dreams.....
that kind of man is worth every day of waiting that you do...do NOT settle for an imitation or just any ol' body you can find...it is really important to marry the right person.......


I found this on Pinterest yesterday and it so perfectly sums up my husband......women, PLEASE wait on this man in your life......don't settle for anything less....

I could write all day about divorce and remarriage..it is my passion....but now...

Let the celebrating begin...........

We have reached a MILESTONE!  in just a few days we will mark the actual day..you will have to come back this weekend to read about that part.....

thank you for stopping by today....go out and get you some spring on !!!!

                                                       Mona

Setting a Pretty Table

This one was H.A.R.D for me...   When Kathleen said she wanted to have a wedding china challenge, at first I was excited.....then...reality set in...That lovely wedding china that I got in 1973 was from a marriage that ended in divorce..hmmm....what to do...I most certainly do NOT celebrate that wedding..even thought I still love the china I picked out as a young twenty year old.. I pulled it out weeks ago and set the table, and then..I waited..and waited.  pondering what to do about this challenge. whether to even join in the challenge.

When I married my present husband, we eloped and their was no big wedding..the focus this time was on marriage, not wedding....  There were no trips to the jewelry store to pick out china, crystal, and silver..  No bridal registries, etc...so there is no 'official wedding china'...

I finally decided this morning..what the heck..it is what it is...  I love this china, I do NOT love my first wedding or my first marriage... I do not in any way want to dishonor the man I am married to now.  He is my forever husband .....life threw me a curve ball...
and now, I consider this china SPOILS OF WAR!!

That was a very long introduction to this wedding china post...Thank you Kathleen for making me consider and rethink some issues in my life....wink, wink

That dried rose is there because what once was alive is now dead....but I am choosing to see the beauty even in that dead marriage...this china lives on and we still enjoy the beauty of these plates...
It is Provencal by Royal Doulton and was special ordered from England just for me...nothing like a small town jewelry store to be so personal..

I chose timeless Chantilly by Gorham for my sterling..

The stemware is Antique by Lenox..  I also chose a fine crystal by Wallace but this one matches these plates... Every bride was expected to have a fine china, crystal, and sterling and then the everyday china, crystal, and silver....This was my everyday china and crystal...

Now, here is the twist and turn...the plate on the left is Harrison Rose by Haviland and belonged to my paternal Grandmother.It was what I used as my 'fine china' ..I sometimes regret not choosing the pattern of fine china that the lady who owned the jewelry store talked me out of getting...something about hindsight and 20/20.. LOL  One day I might buy it anyway..but I doubt it...

I have a small collection of cake toppers..the romantic in me...

And these lace bells...ahhh, yes..just thinking about them makes me tear up...  They were handmade by my Grandmother Lewis in 1948 for my parents wedding reception.. Just holding them and knowing how much work and love and artistic effort she put into the decorations for her only son's (my Daddy's) wedding reception.  They had eloped so there was no big wedding but there was a BIG reception later...  I treasure these little bells made from lace and glitter and satin ribbons with a little wooden ball for the clapper...

This is the bride and groom that reminds me the most of me and my husband.  If we ever redo our vows, I will use this one...

Well, I made it to the end of this post and so did you....Thank you for hanging in there...Believe me, I would have written my story differently..all roses and no thorns...but that is not how my life has been..there have been thorns and I am sure there will be more..BUT..I have decided to smell the roses anyway even if there are thorns.. Just because it has been hard at times, I still press on..and on...and on....a lot of life is still left to live.....

Thank you all for being my friends...it means a lot..Knowing you all are there helped me to press on and get this post about wedding china done..even if it is a bittersweet part of my life...
China----good
Wedding----not

Love, Mona


I am joining Kathleen's wedding china challenge
Tablescape Thursday


Come visit....lots of people have gorgeous wedding china to show you and other goodies too...

Revisiting November

I found this blog post written 3 years ago....I am so thankful that my blogging has evolved and improved...and surprised at how some things have NOT changed...I still love November.....

Getting a new camera is probably one of the best things I have done for this blog......enjoy this 'vintage' hidden art of homemaking.......

Wow!  November
November 1, 2010

This month is HUGE around our house.....
my favorite holiday..Thanksgiving happens....and another thing or two happens too...my stepdaughter turns 18, this is the month my divorce started, my parents eloped in 1948 during this month, I decided to marry Bryan during this month....I moved to a little island off the Georgia coast to live for 5 years, and I made a trip to Mississippi to see where Bryan had lived during this month...

falling leaves, life history, warm fires, turkey and dressing, sewing projects..cooler weather..and FROST...bringing an end to the growing season for this year....

yes, I love November..bad things have tried to remove the fondness I have for this month but they have NOT succeeded.
November I will always love you..the very best thing happened to me during your days....I was released form something that was not good for me and was given something that changed my life for the good...

I learned that you have to let go of the bad BEFORE you are given the good...can't hold them both at one time...so at this time of year I am so thankful for my divorce even though I thought it was the end of the world... it was NOT..and I am thankful that a few years later in the very same month, I decided to marry Bryan.....
all in all a VERY GOOD MONTH for this family......

vintage photo..


Thank you for stopping by today..and HAPPY November....I am so glad to get done with all of the hoopla of the last month....Now on to something much more sane...being thankful..

I am very thankful for my Canon Rebel.


Love, Mona

Marriage Without Regrets

Today marks our 16 anniversary.....wow....a lot has happened in these years...

This morning I asked my wonderful husband if he would marry me all over again...his answer...."ABSOLUTELY!"

and I feel the same way..no regrets here....he is my true soulmate....worth the wait...

To any girl that is still single, do not settle and marry the next one you can find....WAIT!!  until you KNOW..and believe me, you will KNOW!  and you will be glad you waited, no matter how many years it takes...the wrong choice NEVER turns into the right choice....believe me, I know about that......

and ladies, share this with your daughters....to wait on the one God has chosen for them..it is easier than trying to turn a bad choice into a good one.. (usually does not work very well)

That's pretty much all I am going to say about this today...I hear the collective sigh out there..wink,, wink....

I will end with this line from a song ...sometimes you have to get it wrong to get it right..pretty much sums up my first marriage and my present marriage...

I take the lessons from my first marriage and apply them to this one as things I learned NOT TO DO!!

Happy Anniversary to us!    it is a day to celebrate.....Love never fails.......not ever, ever.....

Below is a picture of where it all began....kinda appropriate , don't ya think?  this time we planted the right kinds of seeds and fed it with love.......

April Fools...

What can you say about an anniversary?  especially one that falls on April Fools Day!  and we strategically picked that very day....it was also my grandparents anniversary......and they were married forever.....so it seemed like a good role model to us....

.We are good together..we are happy...we are glad we married each other.....simply a good marriage.....we learned a LOT from being in very bad marriages before we met each other.....we didn't want to repeat that so we made different choices......

I am almost overwhelmed with the goodness of God toward this couple that we are.........

Inside of Bryan's ring is written...you fill the gaps.....

and

that just about sums it up.....we fill the gaps in each other's lives..

I am so fortunate to have had the opportunity for a second chance at marriage..

We are still fools for each other.....April Fools to be exact..and that is no joke.....

Happy Anniversary to us!

thank you for stopping by and I hope to see you again soon.....

                                                                         Mona

Romance in bloom

Since it is Tuesday, it must be date night.....I am sure I have talked about this before but it is important enough to mention again..

My husband and I have a standing date EVERY Tuesday.....have done this for all of our marriage.........it says to each other..no matter what is happening in our lives, YOU are more important than anything else....

I copied a few pictures from Pinterest to express a little romance today...I hope you enjoy...

Source: adelto.co.uk via Mona on Pinterest

This outdoor setting is so beautiful and romantic.....

so is this intimate setting for outdoor dining...

and the table set with beautiful Haviland china..what could be more romantic?

I hope you put a little effort in your relationship with your husband  (or wife)  ..it's easy to forget that we were once on our best behavior as we dated....learn to act like that again.   Have you ever watched a couple as they learn to love one another ?  so romantic....

Treat each other as your "date"...........

I am glad you stopped by today...I hope to see you again soon...

DIVISION

Well, well........division.....it can be a beautiful word in the right context.....

but

it can be a devastating word when it gets in where it does not belong.....

snowdrop clumps

my daylilies

daylily clump

Now that it is gardening season, I am thinking about all of the plants, mainly perennials that need dividing..   When I do this, it is almost like getting plants for free..and one plant can spread into many plants through dividing...one daylily scape can multiply into a whole clump and then division is the natural and necessary step to take..then you have many scapes to plant and then they become clumps and the cycle goes on and on..you get the picture....
This is a good and healthy way to let the word 'division' into your life..when it actually causes multiplication from division.......

Then there is another way that it is a not so good thing to let into your life....as in divorce....when that division happens, it divides what is supposed to stay together always.....it does NOT cause a multiplication of anything good...it causes death....on many levels.....I never thought that I would get to experience divorce and much less that I would gain a little authority to talk about such unmentionable things like divorce...but, lo and behold....I did not choose my life, I am living it (heard that line in a movie last night and liked it)....and my life included divorce...it also includes a second, successful, forever marriage...so beauty can come out of ashes......

I have just been thinking about this word....DIVISION.....

Let's leave it in the garden and get it out of our homes!!!!!!!!

and as a nod to my brilliant children and grandsons....yes, division is good in the math department..  grin, wink....
they are all math prodigies......but I will stick to division in the garden....

What God has joined together, let no man tear apart.....that's a good word....the key is God joining it together...

SO...daylilies and other perennials.....DIVIDE away....

Marriage and healthy relationships.....DIVIDING is detrimental to your health......

                         Love to you all...thank you for reading along with me.......I hope to see you again real soon..

                                                                                 Mona

Resisting divorce

This is going to be a post that has one reason behind it...that what I write and you read will cause any thoughts of divorce to leave your mind and not be entertained again...to cause you to make a committment to your marriage partner to never leave them....or to your future marriage partner...  I am going to be brutally real with you..to give you a glimpse behind the scenes to a place where only my husband knows what goes on...but I cannot shake the need to share this with you....to let you know what it is really like when divorce has happened in your life...it is not a cake walk...it is not easy and pleasant like so many have bought into...like we have told some of our children..no big deal...we can love you just the same if we are not married anymore...  remember, this is one woman's story...but I am sure there are probably millions more just like mine...and we are afraid to talk about it so the divorce rate continues to climb...it needs to stop..and be reversed..we need to speak out and reveal what it really feels like and what is the truth behind all of the facades...

I am from a family that is riddled with divorce....I got divorced, my brother is divorced, and my sister has been divorced 3 times ...my father in law just married his 5th wife....my son is divorced....everywhere I look, it seems we are accepting it as normal behavior to get divorced..

It is not normal..it is hurtful and long lasting to get divorced..there are wounds and broken hearts strewn across our country..not to mention the children and what is happening to their beliefs about marriage.....

So, here is my story...I am not sad as I write this...do NOT feel pity for me...and I hope you are not offended by my words..if you are, I am sorry......it is not my intention to hurt anybody. only to heal    ...but I have to speak out and do my part to tell what divorce REALLY feels like....

On Christmas Day, I spent the day with my husband....ALONE......
.
My children and grandchildren were with my ex husband and his wife and her family...celebrating Christmas with him while I sat at home  and fought off all the feelings of being left out ...and mind you, there is no way I would have wanted to go to his house..we are not friends....it was just the overwhelming sense of my children and grandchildren celebrating on Christmas Day where I am not welcome.... not sharing with them.....I have to forgive AGAIN  and AGAIN. and fight through Christmas Day knowing that my grandsons are with another grandmother that is not me..

We had a Christmas Eve family dinner and it was so fun...everybody here......and.......

as Will was leaving my house on Christmas Eve, he asked Honey, why aren't you coming tomorrow?  I want to see you tomorrow.....   an innocent question by an innocent little boy.....and  a question that needs to be answered.....because I am not invited...neither do I want to be invited....it is the byproduct of divorce....a divided house....a family split in two....

I do not know what all I will tell him when the time comes..for now I am leaving it up to his parents to talk to him about it but the questions are getting more frequent as he gets older and he deserves to know the truth....but I cannot have bitterness or hatred toward his granddaddy when I answer him......as far as he knows, me and Bryan are his grandparents...and he doesn't know where to put my ex....not very long ago, I was talking about my daddy and he asked his mama who her daddy was??

What I am trying to tell you is this...do you see how complicated it becomes when we selfishly use divorce as the answer to our lack of committment?  it is so much easier and peaceful to have ONE set of grandparents on mama's side and ONE set on daddy's side....

my stepdaughter has about 4-5 sets of grandparents..I have lost count..she was totally confused as a little girl.and had to call them pappa...name..... to keep them all straight.

and divorce there has caused us to not even know where she spent Christmas...any of it....

I am telling you this.....please take d.i.v.o.r.c.e  out of your vocabulary.....it does not ever quit hurting those involved....no matter what anybody tells you...yes, you can have a life after divorce for those of you that have already experienced it...but this is mainly for those who have not done it yet..

.DON'T!!!!!!  DON'T!!!!!!!

It does not solve any problems..unless there is real abuse....but these are not who I am talking to.. 


Divorce creates many, many long lasting problems...the family is divided into two pieces forever.......and it is a lot of work to stay in forgiveness  and to let your heart be healed...
I used to think I knew about the pain of divorce until I went through one....now, I know..I had NO IDEA.......now it is part of my testimony....albeit a part that caught me by surprise and I never thought it would happen to me......but I am healed and whole now...but it does not mean that I am not caught at times by the need to relive and forgive AGAIN!    I do not know how to walk out this kind of life..I have to lean very heavily on my God to get me through..and He does..but He has to dry my tears first...

Stay married......and don't be fooled into thinking that being divorced can be just as good as a good marriage..BALONEY!  you cannot be divorced without suffering loss...it divides a house....a whole new set of problems on the other side.....

Pass this along if you know someone that is contemplating divorce...and pray for them to have a change of heart...

                                                until next time, thank you for reading along....

                                                                             Mona

November 20, 1949

This date always stands out to me.  it is the date that my parents got married...they eloped while in college at UGA....
Here is a picture of them taken at their wedding reception ....I love to look at the picture..the tablecloth my Grandmother used on this table now lives with me..one of my cherished family heirlooms...

they were so young here......and had a lot of life to live before it was over ..they were married for over 50 years..today would have been 63 years...wow that's a long time........
funny thing...Me and Bryan eloped from the very same town 48 years later....I am telling ya, generational ties are strong things...they go on even when we think they don't..I like the tie here...my parents and us...we share the same kinda of wedding....an elopement.....and from the same town..

Here are my parents as they started out their life together 63 years ago today...

Mama and Daddy

Happy Anniversary Mama and Daddy......I am glad you got together and stayed together....the older I get, the more I understand how difficult it must have been to stay married for your whole lifetime but how much it meant to me that you did it....thank you....I just wish my Mama was still here so she could read my blog.....she would have loved it...

thank you for stopping by and sharing in this post...I hope to see you again soon...