Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Honoring freedom



Well, here goes...you might subtitle this Deep Thoughts...so if you want something light and lovely, you probably should just skip this and come back next time...  :-)

There is nothing like the questions of a 5 year old boy that I love with everything in me to make me think before I speak...I wish everybody made me feel this way but I digress...so back to what I want to say today......
My grandson asked me why didn't I want to stay married to his mama's daddy???? why did I change my mind??  WHAT???????????  that is so NOT how my divorce happened....but what should I say to a child about this?? and still honor his mama's daddy???   I did not have an answer at the moment that would be clean enough for him to hear....oh, I had an answer alright, but just not one he should hear from me...maybe for the very first time in my life, I thought before I spoke.....and I just said it was sad and a lot of people got hurt.....but something about the question really, really bothered me........A.LOT!

So I continued to ponder it and try to find out what it was that bothered me so much.....and then, yesterday I read a lot of quotes and speeches by Dr King...he had a lot of wisdom...and he was trying to right a lot of injustice....and his message was not popular with the folks that wanted to keep the bondage going...his main message was about freedom..for people that had been treated unjustly...

Then, yesterday I had somebody ask me about my relationship with my sister...and why didn't we just work it out???and they hoped that WE could work it out.(she has me blocked  and will not be my friend on facebook and has cut me out of her life for about 3 years)..and again, that started me pondering some more..I cannot work something out with somebody that doesn't want to work it out..there are two parties involved here.....WHY are these situations botherng me so????

AND  how is a good Christian girl supposed to handle things like this?????    a little sarcasm......about the good part..

I wanted to know the truth...about ME....what is in my heart about these things and what do they have to do with today???and why did Dr King's words stir this up in me?   
Of course, by now, you know I wouldn't be blogging if I hadn't had some sort of light bulb moment...and I did late yesterday, things started to become clear....

I HAVE HAD MY FREEDOM TAKEN AWAY IN BOTH OF THESE SITUATIONS!!!!!!!!!

I did not in any way want a divorce...I hung on until he had signed the divorce papers..I begged and pleaded and got every person I knew to try to talk him out of divorcing me...he walked out on me and took all of our money with him..we were NOT equal participants in this divorce.  I had a divorce DONE TO ME AGAINST MY WILL......I had no freedom in the matter at all.....I knew what it would do to our family and children and did not want to cause this kind of pain that would never be far from the surface...from now on!!!!!.  so when my grandson asked me why did you want a divorce, Honey?   how do I tell him the truth??  or anybody else for that matter without sounding bitter and unforgiving?  I think the bigger story is this....Nevertheless, I forgave him......
He forced his will on me.....

In the situation with my sister, it is the same feeling I was having....and I saw it clearly...she is forcing her will on me.....it is not an equal participation.....she has made these choices regardless of what I want....and I have had a hard time but have walked in forgiveness here too.....

After thinking a lot about this, I have come to some conclusions that I want to share here with you..........
I NEVER want to be found forcing MY WILL on another human being.....EVER!!  I believe so strongly in reaping what we sow..so having known what this feels like, I don't want to do it to another....

and being misunderstood about all of this...about how it feels to have your freedom taken away......this is America..the home of the brave and the free...we are supposed to be free at all times, aren't we?  in the world of divorce, freedoms are being taken away by ex spouses and judges every day..but we don't want to talk about it or believe it....but, my friends..it is happening and we need to wake up to it....and come to the aid of those that are being violated.....FREEDOM is a precious and fragile thing to lose....

It is what Dr King got assassinated about..he was preaching freedom.....

there have been very few that have been willing to come along side of me and defend me as my freedoms were stolen from me.....my freedom of choice........and it is difficult to understand if it has never happened to you....

I am a woman that has been betrayed and violated by those that were closest to me..I know hurt....I now see that the most difficult and hopeless thing about my divorce was just this....I had NO CHOICE in the matter..it was NOT mutual...and until you have had your choices and freedoms stolen away, it is hard to know how that feels..

But, the story doesn't end there....these situations have pushed me into a stronger and deeper relationship with Jesus....He is my Redeemer and Healer and Comforter...so for these situations, in this Light..I am thankful....and He has taken what I have given Him and turned it around for my good......

I have a solid marriage and some sister/friends that would NEVER take away my right to freedoms and choices...

I know this is long and laborious...I want to say to you out there that have been violated like this..there is life, peaceful and hopeful life after this....but first, you have to forgive...and never, never pass by someone that is in need of your standing with them as they have this done to them..even if you can't change their situation..you can LOVE them.....

Well, I have come to the end and will close for now.........

Respect and Honor other's freedoms...and their WILL....it is not ours to mess with.....God gave to every man FREE WILL......

thank you for reading along today.....I hope to see you again soon...

2 comments:

  1. This might be nitpicky, but I'm ok with that. I didn't read most of this, so I'm only going to comment to the first half-truth that I came across and then I'll stop.

    You were actually the first one to block my mother on facebook, and you also blocked me. You were blocked after you decided to try to come back. You fail to mention that. Leaving out parts of stories is not being truthful.

    In your famous words, "Just saying..."

    -Mallory

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    Replies
    1. Mallory, I do not have either one of you blocked on facebook...
      sometimes the end is the best part....so keep reading..
      and I am sorry you feel this way..
      Aunt Mona

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