Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Resisting divorce





This is going to be a post that has one reason behind it...that what I write and you read will cause any thoughts of divorce to leave your mind and not be entertained again...to cause you to make a committment to your marriage partner to never leave them....or to your future marriage partner...  I am going to be brutally real with you..to give you a glimpse behind the scenes to a place where only my husband knows what goes on...but I cannot shake the need to share this with you....to let you know what it is really like when divorce has happened in your life...it is not a cake walk...it is not easy and pleasant like so many have bought into...like we have told some of our children..no big deal...we can love you just the same if we are not married anymore...  remember, this is one woman's story...but I am sure there are probably millions more just like mine...and we are afraid to talk about it so the divorce rate continues to climb...it needs to stop..and be reversed..we need to speak out and reveal what it really feels like and what is the truth behind all of the facades...

I am from a family that is riddled with divorce....I got divorced, my brother is divorced, and my sister has been divorced 3 times ...my father in law just married his 5th wife....my son is divorced....everywhere I look, it seems we are accepting it as normal behavior to get divorced..

It is not normal..it is hurtful and long lasting to get divorced..there are wounds and broken hearts strewn across our country..not to mention the children and what is happening to their beliefs about marriage.....

So, here is my story...I am not sad as I write this...do NOT feel pity for me...and I hope you are not offended by my words..if you are, I am sorry......it is not my intention to hurt anybody. only to heal    ...but I have to speak out and do my part to tell what divorce REALLY feels like....

On Christmas Day, I spent the day with my husband....ALONE......
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My children and grandchildren were with my ex husband and his wife and her family...celebrating Christmas with him while I sat at home  and fought off all the feelings of being left out ...and mind you, there is no way I would have wanted to go to his house..we are not friends....it was just the overwhelming sense of my children and grandchildren celebrating on Christmas Day where I am not welcome.... not sharing with them.....I have to forgive AGAIN  and AGAIN. and fight through Christmas Day knowing that my grandsons are with another grandmother that is not me..

We had a Christmas Eve family dinner and it was so fun...everybody here......and.......

as Will was leaving my house on Christmas Eve, he asked Honey, why aren't you coming tomorrow?  I want to see you tomorrow.....   an innocent question by an innocent little boy.....and  a question that needs to be answered.....because I am not invited...neither do I want to be invited....it is the byproduct of divorce....a divided house....a family split in two....

I do not know what all I will tell him when the time comes..for now I am leaving it up to his parents to talk to him about it but the questions are getting more frequent as he gets older and he deserves to know the truth....but I cannot have bitterness or hatred toward his granddaddy when I answer him......as far as he knows, me and Bryan are his grandparents...and he doesn't know where to put my ex....not very long ago, I was talking about my daddy and he asked his mama who her daddy was??

What I am trying to tell you is this...do you see how complicated it becomes when we selfishly use divorce as the answer to our lack of committment?  it is so much easier and peaceful to have ONE set of grandparents on mama's side and ONE set on daddy's side....

my stepdaughter has about 4-5 sets of grandparents..I have lost count..she was totally confused as a little girl.and had to call them pappa...name..... to keep them all straight.

and divorce there has caused us to not even know where she spent Christmas...any of it....

I am telling you this.....please take d.i.v.o.r.c.e  out of your vocabulary.....it does not ever quit hurting those involved....no matter what anybody tells you...yes, you can have a life after divorce for those of you that have already experienced it...but this is mainly for those who have not done it yet..

.DON'T!!!!!!  DON'T!!!!!!!

It does not solve any problems..unless there is real abuse....but these are not who I am talking to.. 


Divorce creates many, many long lasting problems...the family is divided into two pieces forever.......and it is a lot of work to stay in forgiveness  and to let your heart be healed...
I used to think I knew about the pain of divorce until I went through one....now, I know..I had NO IDEA.......now it is part of my testimony....albeit a part that caught me by surprise and I never thought it would happen to me......but I am healed and whole now...but it does not mean that I am not caught at times by the need to relive and forgive AGAIN!    I do not know how to walk out this kind of life..I have to lean very heavily on my God to get me through..and He does..but He has to dry my tears first...

Stay married......and don't be fooled into thinking that being divorced can be just as good as a good marriage..BALONEY!  you cannot be divorced without suffering loss...it divides a house....a whole new set of problems on the other side.....

Pass this along if you know someone that is contemplating divorce...and pray for them to have a change of heart...

                                                until next time, thank you for reading along....

                                                                             Mona

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart. I know there are many who were in situations very much like this over the holidays.

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  2. Thanks mona for ur transparency. My divorce is almost final after over a year of separation. The divorce was not my idea although i am finding my life more peaceful in some ways since he left. But it breaks my heart bc i know it was not gods ideal plan and my ex has turned away from god and has much bitterness in his heart towards me. This xmas was my first w my son gone and that sucked. But i can not change any one elses will nor can god so i continue to trust god to lead my kids and i into a new life overflowing w his blessings of peace and joy.

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