Tuesday, August 3, 2010

BIG changes



Sometimes things sneak up on me and it takes a while for my brain to catch up.
I have been feeling a lot of pressure lately about too many directions and too much to do..and it seemed to happen all of a sudden...you know things usually are not all of a sudden even when it feels that way...I am definitely a woman that perseveres so I have been on a quest (bless Bryan for his patience) to find out what has happened in my life and why am I so scattered and don't have enough hours in the day anymore.....well........this weekend as we talked, a light bulb came on....it kinda clicked....there has been a LOT OF CHANGE in my life especially in the last 4 years....why I did not realize it is anybody's guess...LOL

The first major change was when we stopped having Bryan's daughter here every other weekend..she moved out of state and things went downhill from there...another time, another LONG story....my life had been dictated by visitation for more than 10 years....always our plans were changed and our driving and a VERY DIFFICULT ex wife...that abruptly STOPPED. I felt like I had my life back...
the very next week Will was born......and my daughter started being a stay at home mama so I was able to see her regularly....I bought my first REAL sewing machine in more than 30 years.....shortly after this Bryan changed jobs and began working from home..... then we had a puppy.....
.and Betsy had another baby....and Bryan and I started a company and he had an official
company that was run out of our home.....we expanded the vegetable garden....and had another litter of puppies...7 this time.....and we kept 3 of them.....now we have 5 dogs....and my son went through a divorce....and my Daddy got old and quit staying in touch with me and my sister disappeared from my life..then my niece disappeared too....I got a facebook account which I truly love..and started to write a blog....these are just a few of the things that have changed over the past 4 years...I am surprised as I write this that I did not recognize that my whole life has been turned upside down and put back together in a very different pattern......oh, yes..there is another baby now..number 3 grandson...I also turned our guest room into a major sewing room.....
So...business owner, 3 grandsons, 5 dogs, BIG vegetable garden, textile artist....all of these things were not really a part of my life just 4 years ago....

CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE!!!!!!!!

I am so glad that I finally got it....now I know what I have been feeling for months.....
On Sunday, we talked and as I pondered what Bryan had said to me,
I kept hearing the words... 'just accept things' ...... and then instant peace
as I simply said OK!

I will let go of all the old stuff that I have been trying to hold onto and realize that my life has truly changed in a BIG way and really without my even realizing it or that it was even happening..but I know that I am more in the true calling of my life than I have ever been before..the path is getting brighter and brighter.....I know He loves me and has a good plan for me and I am walking it out....but this time, it was so gentle and such a gift...sounds like I am hearing..it's done...changed around without much effort from me....A friend told me one time if you want to do God's will...just keep putting one foot in front of the other and loving Him and then one day you will see that here you are..right where He wants you to be.....
these past 4 years have been a MAJOR, MAJOR course correction.....and it is a good thing..


Seems like I have been seeing through a glass darkly..kinda foggy and not clear..
but I can see clearly now......for now the path has opened up and I am accepting things as they are...
I am back to my favorite Psalm........ He makes me lie down in green pastures, He restores my soul.....
that is becoming a louder and louder theme in my life...

Accepting change.....it is a real good thing...

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